New Years Resolutions

1. Seek simplicity.
2. Keep faith.
3. Notice more.
4. Love harder.
5. Stand strong.
6. Enjoy life slower. 
7. Spend more time under the stars.
8. Treat others according to my character, not theirs.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Looking Back on 2012

2012 was a year full of challenges, growth, perseverance, and immense happiness. There were moments I wish I never had to experience as well as moments I will treasure for the rest of my life. But at the end of it all, every step of the adventure has been worthwhile. Here are my highlights of 2012…

JANUARY

Rang in the new year with two of my favorite people

After my assignment with PC Guatemala was cancelled, I was ecstatic to accept my new invitation to PC Botswana!

Family reunion in Akron, CO to celebrate my grandmother's 81st birthday

Family Retreat for Camp Wapiyapi - an organization so close to my heart <3

FEBRUARY

Continued working with the Office of Diversity and Inclusion - lucky to work with great students!

A dear college friend, Anthony, came to visit me in CO to say goodbye before I left for Botswana

MARCH

Family vacation to Las Vegas, NV to visit my brother, sister-in-law, niece & nephew

Surprise get together with some dear friends to say goodbye before the PC

APRIL

Going away party at my mom's house - thank you to all my loved ones who attended!

A not so pleasant memory - my father in the ICU the week before I left the country (and so very blessed to have him in good health after a stroke & heart surgery later in the year. Life is so fragile! Love you dad!)

Saying Good-Bye to the best group of co-workers a girl could ever ask for!

Spending Easter Sunday with my lovely family & seeing the finished quilt from my beautiful grandma! She made an incredible quilt out of my old sorority/college T-Shirts. Love you so much grams! 

FINALLY leaving for the Peace Corps & moving in with my host family

MAY

Celebrating my 23rd birthday with my PC family - a remarkable group of people!

Spending countless hours at PST (Pre-Service Training) and trying to soak in as much knowledge as possible-

 like how to ignore cow heads in the fridge and other important things like PC approach to development :o)

JUNE   

Swearing in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer! 

Moving to my new home in Kang, Botswana

Bringing home my first cat, Makibikibi

JULY

Learning all about my new community and finishing my community assessment

Bonding with my amazing family next door 

AUGUST

Attending my auntie's wedding in Kang

IST (In-Service Training) in Gaborone to learn a bit more and reconnect with my beloved Bots 12 group!

SEPTEMBER

Educating the community about teenage pregnancy - a big collaborative project with students from the senior secondary school

Teaching the Biology & Epidemiology of HIV to a new group of Peace Corps Trainees

Welcoming a new puppy into our lives on the family compound!

OCTOBER

Hosting a Peace Corps Trainee for a week in Kang - showing her my normal life as a PCV!

Organizing inspirational talks about the importance of education at Motaung Junior Secondary School

A lovely game drive out at Lerucama Ranch - so much beauty in the desert!

NOVEMBER

Hosting a weight loss contest at the local clinic & helping organize a community health fair in Kang

Completing my first season of PC SKILLZ /Grassroots Soccer - a program designed to teach about HIV/AIDS using soccer. So proud of my girls who graduated!

Spending Thanksgiving in Maun with an incredible group of Peace Corps Volunteers

DECEMBER

Christmas party with my beloved staff workers at Kang Clinic

My brother graduating from Colorado State University - so proud of you!

Going to Europe for Christmas & New Years to spend time with Michael & his parents

*   *   *   *   *

The life I live is a very beautiful one, full of love and blessings. I am so thankful for each & every one of you who enriches my life. Like I always say, I am me because of you. 2012 was quite remarkable and I'm looking forward to what 2013 might bring.

Happy (Belated) New Year to all of my loved ones!

Love & Light,

TMV 

Maggot Pancakes

Last night, as I was laying in bed, I heard a cockroach fly onto the top of my mosquito net so I quickly turned on my head lamp to locate the culprit. Indeed, he was right above me sitting on my net. I decided to flick it off so it would find its fate in my cat's mouth once it hits the floor. 1,2,3… flick! And then the most horrifying noise. I swear it screamed (turns out every website says they "hiss"). It made this awful sound and I was so mortified because the sound didn't stop when it hit the ground. I called my best friend here to complain and soon enough my cat either killed it or it ran outside… sweet dreams!

Then, this morning I roll out of bed around 7 am, after ignoring the rooster that has been beckoning me to greet the new day since 4:45 am. I give my kitty milk and turn to my cupboards to find ingredients for pancakes. Flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, egg, milk, oil…. I begin pulling things out and immediately decide today is an apple cinnamon pancake kind of day. Yum!

I open the flour and add the necessary amount into a plastic bowl and stare in utter disgust. Maggots. Yup, maggots in my flour. If only this was the first time this had happened! A few weeks ago, I found maggots in my flour when I was making cupcakes for a friend and all my co-workers said, "oh, boitshepo. They are food bugs!" No one else seemed concerned that I had maggots. With the first maggot sighting, I dumped my flour & bought new flour just a few days back. Turns out this one was maggot infested too… yikes. So much for pancakes!

I decide that today is a good day to do some deep cleaning, as it wasn't too hot in the morning. Another pleasant surprise… four dead cockroaches and one dead camel spider under my bed. REALLY!? I'm unwillingly sleeping with these creatures under my bed. Oh and don't forget the scorpion in the guest bed room.No thank you…Oh and three more cockroaches dead in my shoes in my closet. Fun fact: once a cockroach flips upside down, it can't turn itself over again so it dies… right there in my shoes (or under my bed… or in my bathtub… or my living room… or … or..)

OK… enough bugs. My little sisters from next door come over to color. Gao is nine years old & lovessssss coloring more than anything in the world. Ayanda is a baby who just turned one in September. I go about my cleaning and let them color at my dining room table. Not five minutes later I hear, "Uh… boitshepo!! " What do you know? Ayanda peed on my chair. So - on to my next cleaning task!

As Gao is helping me wash out the cushion on my chair, Ayanda is standing in my kitchen. She became quiet (which is a red flag for anyone who has spent time with kids) so I go inside to check on her, and there she is walking toward the door to greet me… with poop all over her shoes. After peeing on my chair, she decided pooping on my floor and walking in it would be a nice way to apologize.

Oh life… what else? This is a typical day for me. The absurdities are always creeping in somehow, and with an ounce of optimism, I'm usually able to grin and bear it. :o) I head out for my evening run to clear my mind & I'm reminded of all the beauty behind the bugs and feces I deal with on a daily basis. As the sun is going down, I'm greeted by warm smiles and people waving. I hear my name being called as I run down the roads throughout my village and I stop to check on a few of my good friends. Their children run around wearing my sunglasses, giggle and twirl in their princess dresses, and give me the Botswana "handshake" when I leave. Each interruption of my run brings a smile to my face and warms my soul…

And at the very end of my run, I come across one of my girls I used to coach at the Junior Secondary School. Despite the sweat pouring down my face, she embraces me with open arms and says, "Boitshepo! I hate when we're not in school. I miss you!" We proceed to walk hand in hand down the road (which is very normal around here) while she confides in me about her greatest struggles in life. She asks me to help her talk to her father about the dangers of alcohol and thanks me for teaching her to make good life decisions. As we walk past bar after bar on the way home, she tells me about her dream to become a nurse and the support she is giving to her older sister who is experiencing teenage pregnancy first hand.

This young girl who held my hand as I walked her home was unknowingly holding my heart as well. At such a young age, she is providing unconditional love and support to her elder siblings and parents and offering wisdom far beyond her years. She claims I helped her, but I think I simply empowered her to help herself. My heart was filled with joy as I dropped her off at home and continued running…

Maggots, cockroaches, scorpions, camel spiders, scorching heat, countless bug bites.. Whatever the complaint may be for the moment, I know that the good will always outweigh the bad. Every bit of discomfort is easily overlooked f I can make a difference in the life of just one person.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Never Alone

Unknown to all but a few of you, I have been suffering with the greatest internal struggle of my life throughout the past six weeks. I'm a stranger in my own body and often have difficulty trying to place a finger upon what's truly bothering me. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to figure things out, but each thought leads me wandering down a path of self destruction.

I knew before I set out to become a Peace Corps volunteer that times would be tough and I would face many challenges. The Peace Corps boasts that it is "the toughest job you'll ever love" and I can testify to the truth in that statement. There are moments I feel like giving up and coming home, moments when I feel like I'm not making a difference at all, and moments when I feel like I'm incapable of accomplishing anything worthwhile in my life. The moments come and go - and then I feel like I can be back in touch with my optimistic self. It's quite a rollercoaster though - and it hasn't exactly been much fun for me. It's nothing I want to write home about either..

Instead of turning to other people for help, I've turned inward like a true introvert would. Indeed, that's helpful in some circumstances, but fighting this internal battle alone is something that has left me confused and frustrated. I'm very aware of my strong support system, so why do I try to be the tough girl and tackle this on my own? It all comes down to ego. I want to be independent. I want to be able to do this alone.

But no one is meant to live life that way. And today, I had a beautiful reminder that no matter how much I internalize my problems, He hears everything. He hears my prayers. And He knows my heart.

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Allow me to tell a story….

Meghan is a friend from high school - someone I didn't know very well at all. I can't tell you her parents names, how many siblings she has, or her favorite color. But I can tell you that I am an avid reader of her blog. I remember speaking with Meghan last year some time to tell her how excited I was for her adventures…. She is a part of The World Race. She is spending 11 months traveling the world, ministering to people about the love of Jesus. A remarkable way to spend some time!

I'm subscribed to her blog - and an email pops up with each new post. Today, I sat down to read her new post "Chicken and Jesus." Her posts always resonate with my soul, speak truth about the world around us, and more often than not, bring me to tears. She has an amazing way with words - and an even more profound impact on those around her. Anyway, I read her post, felt very inspired and moved by the content, and proceeded to check facebook. There, in my inbox, was a message from Meghan. And this is what she wrote:

Tate,

So the other day I was sitting on a bus across Africa and Jesus reminded me of you, He said "encourage her" and I was like yes, God I would love to... but then I forgot when I got off the bus. Then the other day I met a guy in the peace corp at the border of Malawi and Tanzania and again God reminded me of you telling me to encourage you... but then I got on the bus again and forgot. But then today I set up my tent on this hillside in the middle of Malawi. He was just loving on me because I really needed it (it is hard to be from home for so long... as I am sure you can relate, especially around Christmas). His love just reminded me of how beautiful he made my heart, even if I make mistakes. And I keep on making mistakes and the older I get the more aware of them I am, and the Devil is breathing down my back telling me I am unworthy of love.

Today our host family fed us chicken, chicken in Africa is pretty sketch (I am sure you have discovered this already) so after everyone else had chosen I went for what looked like the meatiest piece that was left. Well I took a little bite of it and soon discovered it was the neck... so I put it back the plate in attempt to exchange it out but everyone saw it and yelled about how gross it was and how immature it was to put a piece of chicken back that I had nibbled on. So I said I was sorry and that could be a non-piece (those pieces that don't really count as pieces because they are feet or a liver or something) well someone took it and ate it saying that I could easily eat the meat off it. It made me feel really stupid and for that whole rest of the day the Devil has been reminding me about that stupid piece of chicken, making me feel like Hitler himself. I got so down on myself, I felt like I just kept making mistakes and that I couldn't get my act together. I felt unworthy to be his servant or minister to anyone.

So in my attempt for relief I set up this tent under a big beautiful mango tree and God just reminded me that I have big, beautiful heart. That God is absolutely smitten with me. And I felt the weight lift off my shoulders, but He didn't stop there. I got this picture of this big beautiful boat on this sunny day sailing across the ocean. He said my love for you is so deep that you could sail across it. And so then I asked how wide and He gave me a picture of these massive mountains like in the Rockies, He said that as wide as the mountains were from peak to peak that his love was wider than that. And taller that the tallest Redwoods in California and longer than the Nile. He said that is how I love you.

I sat there astounded and feeling just so loved by such an incredible God.

And then He said tell Tate I love her like that, too.

So I tell you this story because God loves you a whole lot and He won't let me forget it. Even though I hardly know you, He loves you so much that He told me.

So it doesn't matter if you took a nibble of a chicken and put it back, or if lied or cheated or whatever, it doesn't matter because your heart is just so beautiful and He is just in love with you.He wants you to know that, inside and out.

I hope that this note blesses you instead of weirding you out.

May you drown in His love....

Meghan

Tears began flowing down my cheeks as I read her words. A blog post I had just read that spoke so sweetly to my heart - was also personally intended for me. Meghan and I have only exchanged a few brief words since her departure, so she isn't even aware of how closely I am following her adventures. She doesn't even know how her blog posts inspire me to walk closer to the Lord. She's unaware of all of it… and yet, here she is, going out on a limb to remind me that God loves me.

Her note really did bless me - and will continue to be with me for a long time to come. I copied down the blog in my journal so I will always remember this moment and this lesson - God loves us all more than we could ever fathom and we need to spread the message of love to others. I am more than enough in His eyes and I can't do everything alone - and today, I was reminded that I have never been walking alone on this journey.  He is always with me and by my side.

I am so grateful for Meghan sharing her story with me - my heart doesn't feel as heavy and my soul is filled with peace. God Bless You, Meghan. May you continue to spread love to people all over the world!

Love & Light,

TMV 

Overwhelming Gratitude

At the end of each day, I swing open the burglar bar gate, then the wooden door, place my bag on the chair, and drop my keys onto the kitchen table. Strong rays of sunshine combined with my never-ending to do list usually leave me exhausted and covered in a layer of sand. I say hello to my kitty, grab a glass of ice cold water, sit in front of the fan, and immediately press the cold glass  to my forehead in an effort to cool my overheating body. Sweat constantly drips from my brows and my filthy feet remind me of all the distance I've traveled in the village throughout the day.

I take a moment to reflect upon the days activities and reach out to grab two glass containers. One is labeled "take time to remember" and the other says "the moments that matter." The first container contains blank, folded up pieces of paper waiting to have something written on it to give it meaning. The second is of course, to contain my precious memories of all the things I love, appreciate, and give thanks for. It only takes a few moments to jot down the moments that brought a smile to my face that day, and I'll be so happy to have them written down in the years to come.

Somewhere along the line, I've become an avid fan of taking time to see life's little blessings. So, naturally, thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of all. It's a WHOLE DAY devoted to recognizing all that we've been given. I try my best to remind my loved ones how much I love and appreciate them all through out the year, but I admit that I'm human and I don't always find the time to really give them credit for all they do.

Joining the Peace Corps has been life changing and it's near impossible to put my finger on what has taught me the most. Leaving the comfort of home has taught me so much about myself, integrating into a new community on my own has taught me to have endless amounts of patience, motivating behavior change has taught me that development work isn't as romantic as it sounds.

Life is life no matter where you're at on the globe. People are people everywhere. There will always be someone who has it worse than you do, and in turn, there will always be someone who has it better than you do. There's something to be said about following your dreams and climbing your way to the top, but one thing that's certain to me is that you can't get anywhere without the people who support you.

I wouldn't be where I am today without you.

Thank you… to those of you who pray for my adventures.

Thank you… to those of you who respond to my emails in an effort to keep me informed.

Thank you…to those of you who don't respond to my emails because you are busy touching the lives of others.

Thank you…to those of you who call frequently to ask about the nitty gritty of my work.

Thank you…to those of you who send me photos of what you're doing back home.

Thank you…to those of you who help me see the light & lead me through the darkest of my days.

Thank you…to those of you who send letters, care packages, and love.

Thank you… to those of you who urge me to measure smiles instead of HIV transmission rates.

Thank you… to those of you who send me quotes, songs, and books to read to maintain my optimism.

Thank you… to those of you who make home seem much closer to me than it is.

Thank you… to those who yell at me when I'm being a sissy and complain about how frustrating work can be.

Thank you… to those of you who continue to believe in the work I am doing.

You all know who you are… thank you for you.

My heart is truly overwhelmed with gratitude. I am me because of you… because you love me, support me, and believe in me. Your faith and dedication helps me get through the worst of my days. I am beyond blessed to have established such a relentless support group in the states and I continue to find joy in my new family and friends in Botswana.

I feel very lucky to have genuinely kind and compassionate people in my life, sprinkled all over the globe. We're not so different you know… I mean, all of us around the world. People never cease to amaze me.

I pray that you can take some time on thanksgiving this year to really reflect upon all you've been given. Treasure your memories with your loved ones, give more hugs and kisses than you've ever imagined possible, and don’t be afraid to show people you love them. Time will not wait! Your blessings are abundant. Give thanks for each and every blessing… today & every day to come.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Kitten Steps

Cute little Makibikibi

Yikes! It has been quite a quite the week with my poor kitty. I'm happy to say he is still alive, making progress, and taking teeny , tiny kitten steps.

After seeing the vet on Monday, he seemed to be a little more alert and I was so delighted to find that he ate a small amount of tuna on his own that evening .I went to sleep feeling a bit more hopeful, only to wake in the morning to find him without an appetite again. Monday evening was apparently giving me false hope because he quickly relapsed into zombie cat on Tuesday morning.

The vet in Hukuntsi has proven to be a very genuinely kind man. He phones each day to check on my kitty and worked with me to devise a new plan to treat my cat. As I've mentioned, access to medicine out on this side of the country is very difficult -- so, we decided to take the matter into our own hands. We needed penicillin for my cat and I just so happen to work at a clinic. Brilliant. 

He doesn't look too thrilled, but I'm
so happy he's ok! 

My beloved coworkers gave me penicillin (very obviously for humans), syringes, vitamin B tablets, and needles to help treat Kibi. Our pharmacist diligently calculated the correct dilution for my cat after referring to the recommendations from my vet. After several phone calls to confirm the treatment, I had the right medicine.

Remember the vet office in Kang that has no vet? Well, at least they have a vet tech assistant who knows how to do injections. I truly recruited all kinds of people to help and scavenged resources from all around the village to get my cat the injections he needed.

Kibi received three more penicillin injections on Friday & Saturday, and I'm happy to report he is acting more and more like himself. He has begun to walk again, although he is a bit disoriented still and stumbles on occasion. Food no longer disgusts him and he will eat small amounts when placed in front of him, instead of turning his head away. Milk appeals to him too and I was so overjoyed to see him sit and drink on his own.

He still has a long road of recovery in front of him, but I really hope the worst is in the past. His bones are quite prominent after such profound weight loss and dehydration, but he should be putting some weight back on as long as he continues eating. I saw him watching a bug last night too - it's the most alert I've seen him in over a week!

finally eating milk & tuna !

Despite all the obstacles in the way and people volunteering to brai (grill) my cat since he was not improving, I've managed to nurse him back to better health. He's not 100% yet, but I sure am glad to see his progress. And in addition to his improvement, I've had a heck of a time with cross-cultural conversations about pets in America. People were shocked to discover that cats purr - I explained that  it's an indication of when they're happy. No one had heard of that before.

I don't think we're too crazy as Americans. Pets become a part of the family for a reason - they love unconditionally, provide joy & remind us to be playful in our every day lives. Give some extra love to your furry friends back home! I'm so thankful for all the love & support I've received about Kibi too… we're both getting better each day!

Love & Light,

TMV  

An Inch Away from Death

It sounds really great to be able to say, "I'll leave behind my whole life as I know it to move to a foreign country. I'll be fine living on my own. No problem." I said those words as I boarded the plane in April, but as it turns out, I was lying to myself.

Before departing for Botswana, I remember reading a blog post from a Peace Corps Volunteer in another country who had a pet pass away during service. Immediately, I felt bad for this stranger who adopted a furry friend. Her words indicated her obvious heartache and I vowed to not let that happen to me during my own service in Botswana.

So much for that idea!

Away from any sort of familiar comfort, I couldn't help but feel the urge to get a pet. In the back of my mind, I always knew it could turn out disastrous (especially in a country where people don’t care about their animals the way Americans do). However, the voice of reason was overtaken by the offer to take a cute kitty off the hands of another Peace Corps Volunteer. Just under a year old, already vaccinated, fluffy, cute, and playful! Come on… I couldn't pass it up.

after giving kibi a bath

Enter Makibikibi. This sweet little kitty who I've taken to calling 'kibi' has completely stolen my heart. He can be very timid around strangers, but after a short time, we became good friends. I have gotten used to coming home and having him meow, begging for food. My family tells me my cat is "so fat & happy" and "he's the luckiest cat in Botswana" because I take such good care of him. Ok, so he's spoiled.

Everyone who knows me in my village knows I love my kitty. And yes, I may have become a crazy cat lady, but I dare say this can happen to anyone who becomes a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Well, my nice little life with my kitty came crashing down on Thursday. He stopped eating. His legs couldn't support him anymore. He fell while walking. He started breathing like he ran a marathon. His gums turned pale. He wouldn't drink water. He refused to do anything except lay limp on my bed, meowing every few hours.

My playful kitty turned into a very sick kitty in a short amount of time. Since I'm notoriously good at worrying, I put my cat into my Sherpa cat carrier and headed out for the vet office in my village hoping to find a doctor. Is it crazy to look for a vet at the vet office? The answer is yes. There was no vet to be found, only an assistant who explained to me that I would have to travel to a nearby village to find a vet (as there isn't actually a vet in vet office in kang - go figure). As I was getting ready to leave (and preparing myself to travel), they nonchalantly mention that the vet is away at a workshop in Gaborone until Monday.

kibi, just laying around my house 

I headed home to figure out what I was going to do, only to discover that his condition had gotten much worse. He started walking (stumbling) in circles, meowing like crazy, and walking into walls. He was panicking. And so I started to panic a bit too.

A dear friend here advised me to call a vet back in America for advice. Sounds crazy? Yup, it is crazy. But I had no idea what else to do. So we Skype her old vet office, explain the ridiculous situation that I found myself in, and ask for some advice. She was very calm and patient, explaining that she thought my cat was having heart failure. But since he wasn't an old cat, it could be asthma or some sort of infection. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot for me to do except keep him still, avoid putting him in situations that scare him, and force milk and water into his mouth to keep him somewhat hydrated.

spending time with kibi 

Despite my previous plan to travel for the weekend to visit some friends, I decided I needed to stay home to care for my kitty as best as I could. And let me tell you, it was an incredibly depressing weekend. My cat's health deteriorated by the moment and my heart broke every time I had to force feed him. Pets have a way of really pulling on your heart strings… Goodness! I can't lie, I cried a lot, feeling very helpless and unable to help my cat. I just prayed he would make it through the weekend!

Monday morning came around and I was so pleased to find my cat still alive. Would he be able to endure the rest of the adventure? I got all my things together and headed to the hitching post in my village to hitch a ride to the next village over, about 115 km. Luckily, I found ride right away in the back of a truck. We arrived in Hukuntsi around 9:30, headed to the vet's office right away, and found a very friendly man waiting to help me. Although he focuses mainly on livestock, I found that he was very careful and kind to my kitty. He informed me that he used to work a lot more with small animals and misses the opportunity to work with them more.

After a quick exam, he found my cat had a temperature of 39.3 C (102.74 F), muscle atrophy, rapid weight loss, dehydration, rapid breathing, and confusion -all of the symptoms I described on the phone. Since my cat had all his vaccinations including heart worm medication, the vet decided it must be a really bad bacterial infection. He was shocked at how bad my cat's health was and told me that my cat surely wouldn't have survived the weekend without the little bit of liquid I poured in his mouth. My little kitty was an inch away from death  - truly - and I'm so thankful we made it to the vet office in time.

He gave two injections - an antibiotic and a drug to clear the body of toxins - to try to help my cat fight off whatever was killing him. The vet even mentioned how difficult it was for him to find enough muscle for the injection - my cat was losing muscle mass quickly!  Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot I can do now except wait… and hope that it's not more than an infection.

kids crowded around the car door to see my cat 

I hitched a ride back to my village, stopped along the way to drop other people in other villages, greeted some school children who couldn't help but stare at my cat, and arrived home around 3 PM. I really despise being in situations where you can't help someone or something you love… so I'm grateful to have been able to get my cat the most help I could today. I hope that this is the closest I become to writing a depressing blog post about losing a pet during service. I'll keep nurturing little kibi to help him get back to the cat I used to know… and I'll do my best to stay emotionally stable in the meantime.

That's what is dominating my life the past week! As the rest of America worries about the elections, I'll be worrying about keeping my cat alive. More later about other topics :o)

Love & Light,

TMV