Oh, the places I've been

When my mom came to visit, she brought me the book Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr.Seuss. I read it while she was here - - laughing, crying, and realizing how much it resembled my life.

  Dr.Seuss, you got it all right.

It's difficult for me to believe I crossed the stage to collect my diploma from CSU two years ago. I've learned so much. I've had so many ups and downs. I've wandered around a lot. I've tried to understand exactly who I am and my purpose in life. Here's my lil' rendition of how this book applies to my life.... Hope you enjoy! 

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Oh, the Places You'll Go

by Dr. Seuss 

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!

Graduating from CSU, May 2011

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

Any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

leaving on a solo road trip, September 2011

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

You're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any

You'll want to go down.

In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

cross-country adventures, September 2011

It's opener there

In the wide open air.

beautiful west virginia, October 2011

Out there things can happen

And frequently do

To people as brainy

And footsy as you.

Learning at Gesundheit! Institute with one of my role
models, Patch Adams. October 2011

And when things start to happen,

Don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers

Who soar to high heights.

Teaching children about Guatemala, my country of service
for the Peace Corps. December 2011 

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.

Accepting a new Peace Corps invitation after Guatemala was cancelled
January 2012

I'm sorry to say so

But sadly, it's true

That Bang-ups

And Hang-ups

Can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

In a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

Not so pleased after Peace Corps Guatemala was cancelled
January 2012

You'll come down from the Lurch

With an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

That you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

You're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

Is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

new places! Botswana, April 2012

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…

Or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple, it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused

That you'll start in to race

Down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place….

A much slower pace of life, May 2012 

… for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

Or a bus to come, or a plane to go

Or the mail to come, or the rain to go

Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

Or waiting around for a Yes of No

Or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

Or waiting for wind to fly a kite

Or waiting around for Friday night

Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

Or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

Or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.

waiting, waiting, June 2012

NO!

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape

All that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places

Where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,

Once more you'll ride high! 

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of guy!

Grassroots Soccer Team, October 2012

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!

There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.

And the magical things you can do with that ball

Will make you the winning-est winner of all.

Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,

With the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

World Map Project, February 2013

Except when they don't.

Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times

You'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you.

Good ole' Kang, Botswana.
February 2013

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

You'll be quite a lot.

Plenty of alone time, February 2013 

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

You'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

That can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

Camel Spiders, October 2012

But on you will go

Though the weather be foul.

On you will go

Though your enemies prowl.

On you will go

Though the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many

A frightening creek,

Though your arms may get sore

And your sneakers may leak.

walks with my sisters, February 2013 

On and on you will hike.

And I know you'll hike far

And face up to your problems

Whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,

As you already know.

You'll get mixed up

With many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

And remember that Life's

A Great Balancing Act.

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Relaxing in Maun, Botswana
February 2013

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

GLOW (Girls Leading Our World) Camp, May 2013 

So…

Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

You're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So… get on your way!

Living fully, February 2013

Love & Light, 

TMV

A Different Kind of Birthday

As I sit alone tonight, sipping on red wine in a recycled coke can, I find my heart full of joy. I'm reflecting back on 23 & ready to welcome 24  tomorrow. This birthday is unlike any from my past.

I'm writing by candlelight. I'm living alone. I'm the furthest away from home than I've ever been. I'm not surrounded by friends and family. I made myself a carrot cake from scratch. I have no big birthday events planned. It's opposite from anything I've ever known. It's different. And I like it.

Despite the change, I still find that I have so much to celebrate.

*the comfort I feel from the familiarity of a small village

*the way faces light up with a smile to greet me

*the chance to make an impact

*the opportunity to follow my dreams

*the time I have to listen, learn, watch, and love

*the ability to empower others

*the responsibility to be a good role model

*the love I give & receive

*the gift of a new day & a new chapter in life

*the awareness that nothing is permanent

*the insight & perspective that humbles me

*the fight to stand up for what I believe in

*the strength to overcome the most challenging situations

*the desire to continually improve upon my character

*the hope for a better future

*the joy in the little moments that matter

*the faith that there is a plan… for me & everything else in life

What more could a girl ask for?

Less really is more.

24… I'm ready.

Love & Light,

TMV 

While I was 23...

While I was 23 years old, my life changed in ways I never imagined possible. I have learned more about myself in the past 365 days than I have in the rest of my days combined. Seriously monumental self growth and discovery!

Reflecting back on my 23rd year brought to me some favorites: favorite moments, favorite things, and favorite songs. Here's what I've come up with (in no particular order):

23 FAVORITE MOMENTS

1. Swearing in as a Peace Corps Volunteer
2. First night sleeping in my new home
3. Running a 5K with other Peace Corps Volunteers in Shakawe
4. Watching "Now & Then" with Dom, Kelly & Jvani while drinking homemade sangria
5. Receiving a bracelet with my name woven into it

6. Wearing a traditional Tswana dress to my aunt's wedding

7. Kissing Michael at the top of the Eiffel Tower

8. Hugging my parents for the first time in ten months

9. Toasting to one year of service and celebrating in the Tuli Block with my Bots 12 training group

10. My cat surviving his terrible illness

11. Watching baby Ayanda take her first steps and learn to say my name, Boitshepo

12. Taking my first bucket bath

13. Vacation in northern Botswana: Game drive to see all the best African animals, Victoria Falls, mokoro ride in the Okavango Delta

14. Listening to hippos grunting and crickets chirping at night along the Okavango river
15. Laying beneath the African night sky, watching shooting stars
16. Singing along to "Wagon Wheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show with other Peace Corps Volunteers
17. Visiting patients in the village for home based care
18. Weighing babies in the child welfare clinic

19. Watching children diligently color the wall for the world map project

20. Jumping around with the kids in the rain that FINALLY came to Kang, singing "Pula, pula, go disa!"

21. Evening walks with my family

22. Living with my host family in Kanye for two months and learning about Tswana culture
23. Exploring Tsodillo hills

23 FAVORITE THINGS

1. Skype- thank goodness for staying in touch!

2. Coffee mug- homemade by Jan's son

3. Kibi cat- my furry lil' companion

4. Paraffin lamp- light!

5. Be mobile modem- how I connect to the internet

6. The story/my bible- impossible for me to survive without them!

7. Nike + - great for rural runs

8. Incense holder- part of my zen zone

9. Journal- contains all my sweetest memories of service

10. Fan- enough said. I live in a desert.

11. Ice pops- see above.

12. Big sunglasses- fun and necessary!

13. Nook- saves me from boredom

14. Snail mail/stamps- cheers me up on my down days

15. Camera-captures all the memories I'll cherish for the rest of my life

16. Electric strip- my life line at my house for my fridge & computer (still no electricity in my house)

17. Tan line on my feet- my feet are DARK. I walk a lot.

18. Healthy nails-my nails are super healthy here for some reason. No more biting them!

19. Head bands/bandanas- stylish ways to disguise the oily mess of hair.

20. Umbrella- sun protection/life saving

21. Recipe cards-adorable ways to save new dishes
22. Head lamp-my side kick

23. Dr. Seuss Quote: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not.” 

23FAVORITE SONGS

1. Beautiful Things  by Gunger

2. I Will Follow You by Chris Tomlin

3. 3 a.m. by Gregory Alan Isakov
4. The Atlas by Kristin Allen Zito

5. Cats & Dogs by The Head and the Heart

6. Not With Haste by Mumford & Sons
7. Better People by Xavier Rudd

8. I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath

9. Heart of Life by John Mayer
10. No Envy, No Fear by Joshua Radin

11. Little Bitty Pretty Thing by Thurston Harris

12. Via Orlando Remake by DJ Vetkuk vs Mahoota feat. Dr. Maling
13. Wildflowers by Tom Petty
14. Breathe by Alexi Murdoch
15. All This Time by Britt Nicole
16. Asleep on a Train by Radical Face
17. Adventures in Solitude by The New Pornographers
18. Why Can't We by Asa
19. Just Breathe  by Pearl Jam
20. Just One by Blind Pilot

21. Beautiful Onyinye by P-Square

22. All My Days by Alexi Murdoch

23. Lie Low by Plumb

23 was remarkable & I'm so thankful to spend my 24th year in Botswana too. Looking forward to all I will learn and experience!

Love & Light,

TMV 

The Bigger You Make Your World

 Laying under the stars makes my problems melt away .

When I gaze up at the dark night sky, I can feel my insignificance.

I notice what a small role I play in the world.

I find anger in my heart about the bigger problems in the world that seem so unfair.

I realize that the world is enormous and millions of people on the other side of the world are starting their day.

I stop to wonder about why we're all here.

I wonder about who else looks up at the stars and who has never had the chance to be captivated by their beauty.

I smile about being able to live my life, just the way I want to.

I remember that I'm not alone.

And each and every time,  I'm left with peace.

"The bigger you make your world,

The smaller your problems become."

Thank you, universe.

Love & Light,

TMV

All the Little Things

I have this goal for myself… however silly it may be… I'm determined to stick to it. I want to post at least 4 blog posts each month. Doesn't sound like much - but I spend a lot of time trying to think of what to write about.  I've been traveling so much this month, I feel like I haven't quite caught up with everything now that I'm back. SO- I've decided to update you with all the little things. Mundane? Yes. But that's what I feel like sharing today.

All the Little Things (from April)

I am getting over a cold, which means I'm still at the point where I can't really taste my food.

The weather is changing (finally). I'm no longer sleeping with frozen water bottles… I'm sleeping with long underwear and several blankets.

I'm getting really excited about the upcoming three months and all the wonderful events I have planned for my community. Update on projects coming soon….

There was an INSANELY violent hail storm in my village. It scared the village children to tears and the adults referred to it as "African snow."

I spend ridiculous amounts of time day-dreaming about the food I want when I come home in August (p.s. for those of you that don't know, I'm obviously coming home in August. p.p.s. those of you at home should advise me NOT to eat all the food I want)

I'm OBSESSED with my new slippers. They're seriously adorable. And I don't care if they are falling apart, they will make the trek back to America  with me when I come home.

I'm still the same girl who jumps into 1,000,000 things at once. I'm pleased to announce I am now the Serving Volunteer Advisory Council's Senior Advisor for Projects! They work with the National Peace Corps Association. I will be working to develop a new database for volunteer projects. SO excited!

I drink about 5 cups of coffee/tea  throughout the day & it's a welcome relief not to be sweating while drinking (thank you winter weather…)

I cried a little bit inside when I finished my stash of pistachios. I tried to make them last as long as possible… nom nom.

I'm learning to like the mornings again. And no, it doesn't come naturally. I'm forcing it, but I'm excited about welcoming mornings back into my life. (let's be real as well - I'm always at work at 7:30, so mornings = realllllly early.)

Lentils have become a favorite staple food. I should be sick of them by now, but I eat them ALL the time. The same applies to oatmeal.

I feel like a 12 year old girl, but I play the same few songs on repeat OVER & OVER again, singing at the top of my lungs while doing my laundry. How long ago was it when you did that? TRY IT.

I have officially stopped biting my nails. Go me.

I ordered new glasses last week because it turns out I'm losing vision :o) reading for hours on end by candlelight might not be the best thing I've done for my eyes…

I'm journaling every day again. Thank goodness.

My African kitty cat is putting on weight and seems quite happy. He's also developed a horrible habit of sitting on whatever I'm working on (computer, reading, journal, etc.)

Washing my hair gives me brain freezes again. I forgot it got this cold in the desert.

I'm happy. REALLY, truly happy. I look back on my life and find myself smiling. I really am living out my dreams. And even better, I'm continuing to work towards my next goal. I'm so blessed.

Love & Light,

TMV 

There is so much yet to come

I remember crying in my room at my mom's house whenever I'd glance over at the world map. Botswana is a LONG way away from home.

I remember frantically packing my bags the weekend before I left for Botswana & worrying about my dad who was just released from the ICU.

I remember the anxiety and anticipation I had when I first boarded the plane for Botswana.

I remember the hugs I received from every member of my host family in Kanye, who welcomed me into their home and hearts.

I remember the frustration of trying to learn a new language, Setswana, and later, the frustration of trying to learn a different dialect, Sekgalagadi.

I remember enjoying the company of each member of my training class and all the memories we made during our first year of service.

I remember the excitement of FINALLY knowing where I would spend my two years in Peace Corps… Kang, Botswana.

I remember the first night sleeping alone in my house in Kang, without electricity, without knowing a soul in my village.

I remember wondering how I could ever survive two years in the desert village I finally ended up in.

I remember my first few months at site, trying to figure out my role within the village and how I could help people the most. 

I remember thinking this was too hard, what had I gotten myself into, I didn't have the skills, patience, or ability to do this. 

I remember falling in love with my new family in Kang and forming relationships that will last a lifetime.

I remember the joy of working with youth development.

I remember the children who ran alongside me as I made my way running through the village at sundown.

I remember the unremarkable kindness of strangers.

I remember the first time thinking, "This is my home. This is really where I belong."

I remember walking through my village with the sound of my Setswana name, Boitshepo, echoing through the air.

I remember falling in love with who I am, with who I am becoming, and with where I am in life.

I remember thinking I still have so much to learn, so much to do, and so much more to accomplish.

I remember coming home to children running up to me for hugs & kisses.

I remember the happiness I felt when people came knocking on my office door to seek me out for help, rather than me offering first.

I remember finally feeling like something was getting done.

I remember the first time I felt "homesick" for my home in Botswana, rather than the United States.

I remember my sisters meeting me at the bus stop each and every time I returned to my village (whether I was gone a day or two weeks.. It didn't matter. They were there.)

I remember the smiles from people I've helped along the way, thanking me for my time and investment in their future.

I remember realizing for the first time, there are many things I think I cannot do that I actually can do.

I remember people rejoicing to be transferred out of my village to a government job in a bigger city - leaving without looking back.

I remember thinking I couldn't leave. If I leave, who will stay? I thought.

I remember holding hands with home based care patients when I went to visit them in their homes… most often, finding them on a small foam mattress pad on the ground, clinging to what life they have left in their bodies, and somehow, still smiling at me each time I came to visit.

I remember attending funerals of people I came to love in my village, all of whom died from HIV and opportunistic diseases.

I remember feeling part of something bigger.

I remember hitting my ONE YEAR mark in Botswana and thinking there is so much yet to come.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Become Your Own Friend

Each one of us is guilty of being too hard on ourselves. We think, "I am not good enough. I could have done better. I need to try harder."  We push ourselves to the point of exhaustion and wonder why we still don't measure up to our own standards. Sound familiar?

I catch myself in this mind frame more often than not… but why? I could certainly point my finger in a half dozen directions, finding reasons to support this crazy kind of behavior. But alas, that's not going to do me any good either.

If you ask me, simply being aware of the stress I put upon myself is a step in the right direction.  I stopped myself several times today forgiving others for showing up hours late to a meeting, for not finishing the tasks they promised to complete, for making excuses… forgiving them for things I would never do myself. But as I continued my day, I was extremely critical of my own shortcomings and imperfections. Is that fair?

Nope. So here is my conscious effort to start to treat myself with as much compassion and patience as I offer to others. Here's to hoping I stop trying to measure up to becoming the perfect Peace Corps Volunteer, the perfect medical school applicant,  or the perfect friend. Perfection is unattainable. All that I am is all that I can be… and it's more than enough. It has to be.

Can you give yourself a little more love & credit for all the amazing things you do? I think you should. There's so much more to you than you'll ever be able to see in your own reflection.

Become your own friend. Be patient, be kind,  and be forgiving with yourself. I promise you won't regret it.

"Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Love & Light,

TMV