I'm a Lucky (Wo)man

When I think back to two years ago - in January of 2011 - oh my goodness, I had my life all planned out. I had one semester to go, I was going to graduate in May, join the Peace Corps in September & be on my merry lil' way in life.

Oh, but life is so unpredictable.

Yes, I graduated. Yes, I joined the Peace Corps. But so many things happened along the way and in between.

The Peace Corps delayed my trip from September to January. I attended a life changing "Humanism in Medicine" medical elective at Gesundheit!Institute with Patch Adams. My Peace Corps trip to Guatemala in January was cancelled. I found an incredible job opportunity with the Office of Diversity at the Anschutz Medical Campus.

And then… I fell in love. Before moving to Botswana for the Peace Corps.

Needless to say, I never saw that coming. And the girl who always swore she was too independent to go to the Peace Corps with a boyfriend ended up with one :o)

When I envisioned my time in the Peace Corps… call me crazy but I didn't even imagine that I would have vacation time. Is that insane? So many people dream of all the fun travels they will have during their Peace Corps service - and I can honestly say I never thought about it until arriving in Botswana. And even then, I never thought two weeks of my vacation would be in Europe.

This blog post is more than a bit belated, as I returned from my European adventures in the first week of January. I think other Peace Corps volunteers can relate to the "post vacation blues" though… it was quite an adjustment to come back to my village life, and because of that, it has taken me a full three weeks to figure out how to write about my experiences.

So here goes!

Michael's mom (Tammy) & step-dad (Tim)moved to Germany a few years back & since I've never been to Germany, I've obviously never met Michael's parents. A month after arriving in Botswana, Michael's mom purchased tickets for Michael and I to come visit them in Germany over the holidays… a difficult offer to refuse! I knew spending the holidays with Michael & his family would be a nice break from my life in Botswana & I was excited to have the opportunity to get to know his parents while exploring a bit of Europe as well.

Our trip in a very simplified version:

-We spent the first few days in Germany with his parents - helping them with the last minute planning for a Christmas party.

-Tammy, Tim, Michael & I flew to Paris for a few days to soak in all the beauty the city had to offer. Spent lots of time sight seeing, browsing around the Christmas market & wandering around the city ( I was mesmerized by TALL buildings & architecture… almost everything in Botswana is one story high)

-The four of us spent Christmas day together at home in Germany

-After Christmas, Michael & I went to visit a good friend of mine that I met at the medical elective with Patch Adams in 2011. We spent a few days touring around Genoa, Italy - - eating, drinking & spending time with Sara's family.

-Finished up the trip at home in Germany with Michael's parents, said our good-byes & we all went our separate ways back to our lives in three separate countries… crazy!

Tammy & Tim at the Louve :o) 

The Eiffel Tower at night <3 

Spending time in Italy with Michael! 

spending time with the Patti siblings in Genoa, Italy

Since I've returned from my trip, everyone wants to hear about all the things I saw, all the food I ate, all the culture I experienced. I am pleased to tell people about how much I enjoyed Europe & how the culture in Europe differs from Botswana/USA, but when it comes down to it, I must admit I am in awe of the PEOPLE I was with, not the places I went.

You see, I've come to realize that the people in your life are far more important than the places you go. Of course, I would love to have the time & budget to see every country in the world, but simply visiting those places pales in comparison to seeing those places with people you love.

The Eiffel Tower was breathtaking … but I loved it even more because I was with Michael. Christmas in Germany was cold, crisp & beautiful… but I cherish the memory because of sitting on the floor around the Christmas tree with Tammy, Tim & Michael. Wandering around the back alleyways in Genoa late at night was new and exciting… but being with Sara, Michael & her friends brought laughter and joy to my life.

I fell in love with Europe & I'm itching to go back to see more. But more importantly, I felt loved by Michael & his parents. I enjoyed spending time with all of them, getting to know each of them better, and thanking my lucky stars for all those unpredicted twists & turns in life. I find it hard to imagine a better life for myself & continually find myself in awe of all that I have been blessed with.

A HUGE heartfelt THANK YOU goes out to Tammy & Tim for being so outrageously generous and hospitable. I appreciate your patience with my exclamations of "oh my goodness! Hot water comes out of the taps!" or "You have carpet!" or the moments when I'm lost in thought wondering about why you don't have to dump out your shoes to check for scorpions or shake out the blankets to get rid of cockroaches.

:o) I will always have fond memories of this vacation to Europe during my service & I will forever be thankful for the fabulous cast of characters in my life.

And in the words of Pearl Jam…

"I'm a lucky (wo)man to count on both hands

The ones I love.."

Love & Light,

TMV 

The Power of Love

My childhood memories with my grandparents are filled with love, creativity, inspiration, and adventure. Each moment spent with them was truly magical… and after raising five of their own girls, my grandparents really had a handle on child management for their seven grandkids.

They encouraged us to play. To get messy. To seek adventure. To run wild & free. We laughed with them. Cried with them. And most importantly, grew with them.

Their disposition amazes me to this day, and each conversation with them leaves me with more wisdom and knowledge. As I grew into a young woman, they encouraged me to be a leader, to stand up for what's right, to love with all my heart, and to always believe in myself. My favorite characteristics about myself can often be attributed to their endless love and devotion to our family.

looking at old scrapbooks and listening
to stories of their youth <3 

My relationship with them only grew stronger over the years & no matter where I found myself in life, I knew I could depend on their strength. They never missed the important events - birthdays, graduations, holidays- and still managed to keep up to date with all the other details in life - who I was dating, how my friends were, my future plans-.

During my first year away from home, I was attending the University of Hawai'I at Manoa. Far from home and on my own for the first time, they came to visit, see my new life, and tour the islands. When I bid them farewell, I knew that they weren't just my family - - - they were two of my very best friends.

I made the decision to move home to Colorado my sophomore year to be closer to both of them as they were undergoing chemo and radiation. Whether they know it or not, I made that decision because they had instilled such strong family values in me - that it killed me to be that far from home. The summer after my freshman year, I used to drive to the hospital as often as I could to visit my grandmother in the hospital. It absolutely killed me to see a woman so full of love & life battling against cancer. That summer, I listened to this song on repeat - - - and cried. And prayed. And asked God to help our family. And miraculously, our family did pull through. With each phone call & doctors visit, my heart was filled with hope as each new report of good health came through.

precious moments with my family 

I've been so blessed to have such a close relationship with my grams & gramps. They are so dear to my heart… and now, here I am, thousands of miles away from home following my dreams - unable to be by their side as times get tough again. My grandmother has started chemo once again & has had a terrible time with her knee throughout all of it - only recently discovering she has gout. If I could do anything to relieve the pain - - believe me, I would do it. Waiting to hear about her progress is difficult for me, so I decided I should do a little active waiting by sending my love from Botswana.

our beautiful family

I truly believe in the power of love & we are so blessed to have such a strong family to love her through all of this. The strength and tenacity we have by bonding together is something we've all learned from the years of marriage between my grandparents. They have taught us to become the best people we can be by simply walking the walk themselves. They have shown us that nothing in life is more important than family by leading their own family in love & in Christ. Through the good times & bad, I know that my family back home will be there to support them & I will do my best to show them my love from a distance.

There is no one I love more than my family. I will continue to send my love & be faithful in prayer. Please keep my sweet family in your prayers as well, we would all appreciate it so very much.

I love you Grams & Gramps -- I am me because of you.

Love & Light,
TMV 

New Years Resolutions

1. Seek simplicity.
2. Keep faith.
3. Notice more.
4. Love harder.
5. Stand strong.
6. Enjoy life slower. 
7. Spend more time under the stars.
8. Treat others according to my character, not theirs.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Looking Back on 2012

2012 was a year full of challenges, growth, perseverance, and immense happiness. There were moments I wish I never had to experience as well as moments I will treasure for the rest of my life. But at the end of it all, every step of the adventure has been worthwhile. Here are my highlights of 2012…

JANUARY

Rang in the new year with two of my favorite people

After my assignment with PC Guatemala was cancelled, I was ecstatic to accept my new invitation to PC Botswana!

Family reunion in Akron, CO to celebrate my grandmother's 81st birthday

Family Retreat for Camp Wapiyapi - an organization so close to my heart <3

FEBRUARY

Continued working with the Office of Diversity and Inclusion - lucky to work with great students!

A dear college friend, Anthony, came to visit me in CO to say goodbye before I left for Botswana

MARCH

Family vacation to Las Vegas, NV to visit my brother, sister-in-law, niece & nephew

Surprise get together with some dear friends to say goodbye before the PC

APRIL

Going away party at my mom's house - thank you to all my loved ones who attended!

A not so pleasant memory - my father in the ICU the week before I left the country (and so very blessed to have him in good health after a stroke & heart surgery later in the year. Life is so fragile! Love you dad!)

Saying Good-Bye to the best group of co-workers a girl could ever ask for!

Spending Easter Sunday with my lovely family & seeing the finished quilt from my beautiful grandma! She made an incredible quilt out of my old sorority/college T-Shirts. Love you so much grams! 

FINALLY leaving for the Peace Corps & moving in with my host family

MAY

Celebrating my 23rd birthday with my PC family - a remarkable group of people!

Spending countless hours at PST (Pre-Service Training) and trying to soak in as much knowledge as possible-

 like how to ignore cow heads in the fridge and other important things like PC approach to development :o)

JUNE   

Swearing in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer! 

Moving to my new home in Kang, Botswana

Bringing home my first cat, Makibikibi

JULY

Learning all about my new community and finishing my community assessment

Bonding with my amazing family next door 

AUGUST

Attending my auntie's wedding in Kang

IST (In-Service Training) in Gaborone to learn a bit more and reconnect with my beloved Bots 12 group!

SEPTEMBER

Educating the community about teenage pregnancy - a big collaborative project with students from the senior secondary school

Teaching the Biology & Epidemiology of HIV to a new group of Peace Corps Trainees

Welcoming a new puppy into our lives on the family compound!

OCTOBER

Hosting a Peace Corps Trainee for a week in Kang - showing her my normal life as a PCV!

Organizing inspirational talks about the importance of education at Motaung Junior Secondary School

A lovely game drive out at Lerucama Ranch - so much beauty in the desert!

NOVEMBER

Hosting a weight loss contest at the local clinic & helping organize a community health fair in Kang

Completing my first season of PC SKILLZ /Grassroots Soccer - a program designed to teach about HIV/AIDS using soccer. So proud of my girls who graduated!

Spending Thanksgiving in Maun with an incredible group of Peace Corps Volunteers

DECEMBER

Christmas party with my beloved staff workers at Kang Clinic

My brother graduating from Colorado State University - so proud of you!

Going to Europe for Christmas & New Years to spend time with Michael & his parents

*   *   *   *   *

The life I live is a very beautiful one, full of love and blessings. I am so thankful for each & every one of you who enriches my life. Like I always say, I am me because of you. 2012 was quite remarkable and I'm looking forward to what 2013 might bring.

Happy (Belated) New Year to all of my loved ones!

Love & Light,

TMV 

Maggot Pancakes

Last night, as I was laying in bed, I heard a cockroach fly onto the top of my mosquito net so I quickly turned on my head lamp to locate the culprit. Indeed, he was right above me sitting on my net. I decided to flick it off so it would find its fate in my cat's mouth once it hits the floor. 1,2,3… flick! And then the most horrifying noise. I swear it screamed (turns out every website says they "hiss"). It made this awful sound and I was so mortified because the sound didn't stop when it hit the ground. I called my best friend here to complain and soon enough my cat either killed it or it ran outside… sweet dreams!

Then, this morning I roll out of bed around 7 am, after ignoring the rooster that has been beckoning me to greet the new day since 4:45 am. I give my kitty milk and turn to my cupboards to find ingredients for pancakes. Flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, egg, milk, oil…. I begin pulling things out and immediately decide today is an apple cinnamon pancake kind of day. Yum!

I open the flour and add the necessary amount into a plastic bowl and stare in utter disgust. Maggots. Yup, maggots in my flour. If only this was the first time this had happened! A few weeks ago, I found maggots in my flour when I was making cupcakes for a friend and all my co-workers said, "oh, boitshepo. They are food bugs!" No one else seemed concerned that I had maggots. With the first maggot sighting, I dumped my flour & bought new flour just a few days back. Turns out this one was maggot infested too… yikes. So much for pancakes!

I decide that today is a good day to do some deep cleaning, as it wasn't too hot in the morning. Another pleasant surprise… four dead cockroaches and one dead camel spider under my bed. REALLY!? I'm unwillingly sleeping with these creatures under my bed. Oh and don't forget the scorpion in the guest bed room.No thank you…Oh and three more cockroaches dead in my shoes in my closet. Fun fact: once a cockroach flips upside down, it can't turn itself over again so it dies… right there in my shoes (or under my bed… or in my bathtub… or my living room… or … or..)

OK… enough bugs. My little sisters from next door come over to color. Gao is nine years old & lovessssss coloring more than anything in the world. Ayanda is a baby who just turned one in September. I go about my cleaning and let them color at my dining room table. Not five minutes later I hear, "Uh… boitshepo!! " What do you know? Ayanda peed on my chair. So - on to my next cleaning task!

As Gao is helping me wash out the cushion on my chair, Ayanda is standing in my kitchen. She became quiet (which is a red flag for anyone who has spent time with kids) so I go inside to check on her, and there she is walking toward the door to greet me… with poop all over her shoes. After peeing on my chair, she decided pooping on my floor and walking in it would be a nice way to apologize.

Oh life… what else? This is a typical day for me. The absurdities are always creeping in somehow, and with an ounce of optimism, I'm usually able to grin and bear it. :o) I head out for my evening run to clear my mind & I'm reminded of all the beauty behind the bugs and feces I deal with on a daily basis. As the sun is going down, I'm greeted by warm smiles and people waving. I hear my name being called as I run down the roads throughout my village and I stop to check on a few of my good friends. Their children run around wearing my sunglasses, giggle and twirl in their princess dresses, and give me the Botswana "handshake" when I leave. Each interruption of my run brings a smile to my face and warms my soul…

And at the very end of my run, I come across one of my girls I used to coach at the Junior Secondary School. Despite the sweat pouring down my face, she embraces me with open arms and says, "Boitshepo! I hate when we're not in school. I miss you!" We proceed to walk hand in hand down the road (which is very normal around here) while she confides in me about her greatest struggles in life. She asks me to help her talk to her father about the dangers of alcohol and thanks me for teaching her to make good life decisions. As we walk past bar after bar on the way home, she tells me about her dream to become a nurse and the support she is giving to her older sister who is experiencing teenage pregnancy first hand.

This young girl who held my hand as I walked her home was unknowingly holding my heart as well. At such a young age, she is providing unconditional love and support to her elder siblings and parents and offering wisdom far beyond her years. She claims I helped her, but I think I simply empowered her to help herself. My heart was filled with joy as I dropped her off at home and continued running…

Maggots, cockroaches, scorpions, camel spiders, scorching heat, countless bug bites.. Whatever the complaint may be for the moment, I know that the good will always outweigh the bad. Every bit of discomfort is easily overlooked f I can make a difference in the life of just one person.

Love & Light,

TMV 

Never Alone

Unknown to all but a few of you, I have been suffering with the greatest internal struggle of my life throughout the past six weeks. I'm a stranger in my own body and often have difficulty trying to place a finger upon what's truly bothering me. I spend a lot of time in my head trying to figure things out, but each thought leads me wandering down a path of self destruction.

I knew before I set out to become a Peace Corps volunteer that times would be tough and I would face many challenges. The Peace Corps boasts that it is "the toughest job you'll ever love" and I can testify to the truth in that statement. There are moments I feel like giving up and coming home, moments when I feel like I'm not making a difference at all, and moments when I feel like I'm incapable of accomplishing anything worthwhile in my life. The moments come and go - and then I feel like I can be back in touch with my optimistic self. It's quite a rollercoaster though - and it hasn't exactly been much fun for me. It's nothing I want to write home about either..

Instead of turning to other people for help, I've turned inward like a true introvert would. Indeed, that's helpful in some circumstances, but fighting this internal battle alone is something that has left me confused and frustrated. I'm very aware of my strong support system, so why do I try to be the tough girl and tackle this on my own? It all comes down to ego. I want to be independent. I want to be able to do this alone.

But no one is meant to live life that way. And today, I had a beautiful reminder that no matter how much I internalize my problems, He hears everything. He hears my prayers. And He knows my heart.

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Allow me to tell a story….

Meghan is a friend from high school - someone I didn't know very well at all. I can't tell you her parents names, how many siblings she has, or her favorite color. But I can tell you that I am an avid reader of her blog. I remember speaking with Meghan last year some time to tell her how excited I was for her adventures…. She is a part of The World Race. She is spending 11 months traveling the world, ministering to people about the love of Jesus. A remarkable way to spend some time!

I'm subscribed to her blog - and an email pops up with each new post. Today, I sat down to read her new post "Chicken and Jesus." Her posts always resonate with my soul, speak truth about the world around us, and more often than not, bring me to tears. She has an amazing way with words - and an even more profound impact on those around her. Anyway, I read her post, felt very inspired and moved by the content, and proceeded to check facebook. There, in my inbox, was a message from Meghan. And this is what she wrote:

Tate,

So the other day I was sitting on a bus across Africa and Jesus reminded me of you, He said "encourage her" and I was like yes, God I would love to... but then I forgot when I got off the bus. Then the other day I met a guy in the peace corp at the border of Malawi and Tanzania and again God reminded me of you telling me to encourage you... but then I got on the bus again and forgot. But then today I set up my tent on this hillside in the middle of Malawi. He was just loving on me because I really needed it (it is hard to be from home for so long... as I am sure you can relate, especially around Christmas). His love just reminded me of how beautiful he made my heart, even if I make mistakes. And I keep on making mistakes and the older I get the more aware of them I am, and the Devil is breathing down my back telling me I am unworthy of love.

Today our host family fed us chicken, chicken in Africa is pretty sketch (I am sure you have discovered this already) so after everyone else had chosen I went for what looked like the meatiest piece that was left. Well I took a little bite of it and soon discovered it was the neck... so I put it back the plate in attempt to exchange it out but everyone saw it and yelled about how gross it was and how immature it was to put a piece of chicken back that I had nibbled on. So I said I was sorry and that could be a non-piece (those pieces that don't really count as pieces because they are feet or a liver or something) well someone took it and ate it saying that I could easily eat the meat off it. It made me feel really stupid and for that whole rest of the day the Devil has been reminding me about that stupid piece of chicken, making me feel like Hitler himself. I got so down on myself, I felt like I just kept making mistakes and that I couldn't get my act together. I felt unworthy to be his servant or minister to anyone.

So in my attempt for relief I set up this tent under a big beautiful mango tree and God just reminded me that I have big, beautiful heart. That God is absolutely smitten with me. And I felt the weight lift off my shoulders, but He didn't stop there. I got this picture of this big beautiful boat on this sunny day sailing across the ocean. He said my love for you is so deep that you could sail across it. And so then I asked how wide and He gave me a picture of these massive mountains like in the Rockies, He said that as wide as the mountains were from peak to peak that his love was wider than that. And taller that the tallest Redwoods in California and longer than the Nile. He said that is how I love you.

I sat there astounded and feeling just so loved by such an incredible God.

And then He said tell Tate I love her like that, too.

So I tell you this story because God loves you a whole lot and He won't let me forget it. Even though I hardly know you, He loves you so much that He told me.

So it doesn't matter if you took a nibble of a chicken and put it back, or if lied or cheated or whatever, it doesn't matter because your heart is just so beautiful and He is just in love with you.He wants you to know that, inside and out.

I hope that this note blesses you instead of weirding you out.

May you drown in His love....

Meghan

Tears began flowing down my cheeks as I read her words. A blog post I had just read that spoke so sweetly to my heart - was also personally intended for me. Meghan and I have only exchanged a few brief words since her departure, so she isn't even aware of how closely I am following her adventures. She doesn't even know how her blog posts inspire me to walk closer to the Lord. She's unaware of all of it… and yet, here she is, going out on a limb to remind me that God loves me.

Her note really did bless me - and will continue to be with me for a long time to come. I copied down the blog in my journal so I will always remember this moment and this lesson - God loves us all more than we could ever fathom and we need to spread the message of love to others. I am more than enough in His eyes and I can't do everything alone - and today, I was reminded that I have never been walking alone on this journey.  He is always with me and by my side.

I am so grateful for Meghan sharing her story with me - my heart doesn't feel as heavy and my soul is filled with peace. God Bless You, Meghan. May you continue to spread love to people all over the world!

Love & Light,

TMV 

Overwhelming Gratitude

At the end of each day, I swing open the burglar bar gate, then the wooden door, place my bag on the chair, and drop my keys onto the kitchen table. Strong rays of sunshine combined with my never-ending to do list usually leave me exhausted and covered in a layer of sand. I say hello to my kitty, grab a glass of ice cold water, sit in front of the fan, and immediately press the cold glass  to my forehead in an effort to cool my overheating body. Sweat constantly drips from my brows and my filthy feet remind me of all the distance I've traveled in the village throughout the day.

I take a moment to reflect upon the days activities and reach out to grab two glass containers. One is labeled "take time to remember" and the other says "the moments that matter." The first container contains blank, folded up pieces of paper waiting to have something written on it to give it meaning. The second is of course, to contain my precious memories of all the things I love, appreciate, and give thanks for. It only takes a few moments to jot down the moments that brought a smile to my face that day, and I'll be so happy to have them written down in the years to come.

Somewhere along the line, I've become an avid fan of taking time to see life's little blessings. So, naturally, thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of all. It's a WHOLE DAY devoted to recognizing all that we've been given. I try my best to remind my loved ones how much I love and appreciate them all through out the year, but I admit that I'm human and I don't always find the time to really give them credit for all they do.

Joining the Peace Corps has been life changing and it's near impossible to put my finger on what has taught me the most. Leaving the comfort of home has taught me so much about myself, integrating into a new community on my own has taught me to have endless amounts of patience, motivating behavior change has taught me that development work isn't as romantic as it sounds.

Life is life no matter where you're at on the globe. People are people everywhere. There will always be someone who has it worse than you do, and in turn, there will always be someone who has it better than you do. There's something to be said about following your dreams and climbing your way to the top, but one thing that's certain to me is that you can't get anywhere without the people who support you.

I wouldn't be where I am today without you.

Thank you… to those of you who pray for my adventures.

Thank you… to those of you who respond to my emails in an effort to keep me informed.

Thank you…to those of you who don't respond to my emails because you are busy touching the lives of others.

Thank you…to those of you who call frequently to ask about the nitty gritty of my work.

Thank you…to those of you who send me photos of what you're doing back home.

Thank you…to those of you who help me see the light & lead me through the darkest of my days.

Thank you…to those of you who send letters, care packages, and love.

Thank you… to those of you who urge me to measure smiles instead of HIV transmission rates.

Thank you… to those of you who send me quotes, songs, and books to read to maintain my optimism.

Thank you… to those of you who make home seem much closer to me than it is.

Thank you… to those who yell at me when I'm being a sissy and complain about how frustrating work can be.

Thank you… to those of you who continue to believe in the work I am doing.

You all know who you are… thank you for you.

My heart is truly overwhelmed with gratitude. I am me because of you… because you love me, support me, and believe in me. Your faith and dedication helps me get through the worst of my days. I am beyond blessed to have established such a relentless support group in the states and I continue to find joy in my new family and friends in Botswana.

I feel very lucky to have genuinely kind and compassionate people in my life, sprinkled all over the globe. We're not so different you know… I mean, all of us around the world. People never cease to amaze me.

I pray that you can take some time on thanksgiving this year to really reflect upon all you've been given. Treasure your memories with your loved ones, give more hugs and kisses than you've ever imagined possible, and don’t be afraid to show people you love them. Time will not wait! Your blessings are abundant. Give thanks for each and every blessing… today & every day to come.

Love & Light,

TMV