"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
I have been entirely wrapped up in studying for the MCAT for the past few weeks, and I feel like there is a lot I haven't been dealing with. All of the pressure to excel in life is enough to drive me crazy sometimes, and I have found myself at a loss of how to cope with it all lately. There has been a lot running through my mind, and here's what it all seems to boil down to:
- I am terrified of failing. at anything.
- After my MCAT, I think I will finally realize I am not in school anymore. I have plenty on my plate before I leave for the Peace Corps, but I think I will soon be experiencing a serious lack of purpose. Not knowing how my life will unfold can be unsettling at times, but I'm trying not to freak out too much.
- F*** CANCER. I am sick and freaking tired of cancer. My love for all the children at camp and children's hospital colorado is so deeply rooted in me, I feel like it is impossible to let go of things sometimes. It's never easy to lose anyone, but I have watched the lives of two perfectly beautiful children slip away to their battle against cancer this summer. It feels so unfair, I want to cry. and yell. and stomp my feet. then cry some more. Rest in peace RK & JH.
- Balance & perspective. My lack of preparation for the MCAT has left me cramming, and I don't think I've had enough of a balance in my life. It's hard to care much about a standardized test when other things in life seem much more important. I justify my studying by telling myself it's an obstacle I need to face before I can help the kids I love the most. Only a few more days, and I'm hoping to give more, play outside more, and rest more.
I stumbled upon this bible verse today, and I thought it was perfect to apply to everything I am going through. I am going to take some time to rest (rather than study) right now & clear my head for the next few days ahead. With a little clarity, confidence, and a heart full of love, I'm sure I will be able to endure any potential hardships & rejoice in life's abundant blessings, too.
Love & Light,